...

its almost my birthday again
and i simply don't want that day to come, i feel so uninspired.

with everything happening i cant believe its taking forever to move on, but i cant believe most of all how everything changed so fast
its very easy to blame someone else, its easier to make the other person the bad guy, in this case i was the mean son of a bitch, but i guess when u feel guilty, or u realize what a piece of shit u really are, it helps u to get better.
i still cant find words to understand how shocked i am on his behavior, it seems to me i guess i never really knew him, and for what its worth man i can understand the sudden change in love, this shit happens. but i cant and will not ever understand the coward ways,the lack of balls, the lies and the condescending behavior towards someone u still claim u care about;

how can we be friends after all this shit? ive bumped my head every time and i thought i really knew you, and the shittiest feeling is when u come to realize that perhaps i never did. You blame me for everything, things that make no sense and could have been fixed if they had been spoken on time, u blame me that i did wrong for what? for believing in you? thats my big crime i see, and yes i am guilty, man i cant bare to accept how when the choice was made, and man i know why it was made, i know the reason, trust me i do. u never had the balls to tell me up front what it was, i always knew. i guess i thought i deserved a little honesty, a little truth and u cant be man enough to speak it as it is, always ridding along in your excuses and your lies, i didn't think i was gonna get that, not after what we had anyway. and like i said i know and understand that people change, and love fades, its not why im hurting so much, its because u just lied.

will we ever be friends again after this? i don't know, am i even interested in it? i simply don't know i don't think i can ever trust a selfish person like you anymore i really don't think i can. And like i said i never expected this shit from you, i guess i never imagined what a coward and selfish asshole u really are. everyone else thinks man, he seemed so nice, man u really got us fooled, u really passed for a good guy for 3 years. i applaud you the act, i guess know u are a graduated drama student :) u fooled even me.

i have no interest in becoming a project for your charity work, its not what i want, i don't need favor from people who do it just out of pity, so they can feel better that they are doing it for a better cause, i am just not interested. don't use me as a way to keep your conscience clean. so u can feel better. why do u ask me if i am ok ? so u can be happy since you got someone else and u wanna hear how depressed i am? don't even bother, u fucked me over... i trusted u and u fucked me over simple as that.

for what its wroth i cant hate you, i enjoyed our time together so much, i wish it never had ended, there were yet so many things we needed to do, or at least i wanted to do with you. You let me build a future with you, one i just don't have anymore. and i cant seem to find myself, i don't know where i'm really going, what im gonna do or how im gonna get anywhere. I'm lost.
i cant seem to know what i want. the fact that u feel nothing yes it breaks my heart but at least i know i didn't fail, i never kissed anyone else. i never lied to you i never put u down. and even more i never once blamed u for my stupidity as u did to me.

i thought one time we had a chance to fix things, i thought by speaking ud be abel to put things right, to fix it and let me move on. but ur coward ways, ur lack of respect, you fucking condescending Attitude, treat me like if i did the wrong.
whatever now, believe your own lies, i don't care anymore,